


The world, talks and revelations

by ShadowFairy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crushes, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, Multi, Sexual Confusion, Unrequited Love, mention of other members, non romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 08:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10510284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowFairy/pseuds/ShadowFairy
Summary: Wonwoo feels like the world is too big and it makes him feel so little and alone, that and many other things going in his head.The story of how Wonwoo found he had a crush and some other things.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my big debut and I hope you can like this story I wrote that I don't remember what lead me to it. I hope you can like this.
> 
> If you want to mention, point or talk about this little thing, don't hesitate on leaving a comment.

Some things came the same for some people and different for some others. Some come fast and easy, some fast but hard or slow and hard. Nothing is the same for everyone else. Similar but not exactly the same. The experiences always make people grow, similar experiences don't mean similar ways or thinking and ways of be. Jun was different from Wonwoo but similar in some ways and that was that drew them to be good friends. Minghao and Jun were the only ones who spoke Chinese within thirteen other people and that made them bond easily, they also had similar personalities and that made them even closer but what draw them apart at the same. It was a fun way to live. Meeting people, interacting, changing, growing but some things came different for everything no matter how close you were or how good you thought to know them but being different made everything fun.

Seungkwan's loud personality was fun. Seungkwan with Seokmin and Soonyoung was an amazing trio, it was fun to see them and being with them. It was an experience after experience. A growing understanding between all of them and they grew together and became one for the group and good friends.

It wasn't that Wonwoo felt left behind or outcasted. He was loved as much as he loved every other member. It was within himself. It was like something was missing in his life. He wasn't sure what it was and nothing came to his mind. He already had girlfriends and he was sure that it wasn't something related to love or sex drive. It was something deeper, like a missing piece in a puzzle that he called his own being.

Wonwoo was sitting on the counter, watching Jun showing off in the kitchen, moving relentlessly and gracefully as he made food. So sure of himself and his beauty. Wonwoo fixed the specs on the bridge of his nose and Jun stopped turning to see him, placing his elbows on the counter and his chin on his hands, a few inches away from Wonwoo's face, his breath hitting Wonwoo's nose. It had a fresh smell of a mint chewing gum. Wonwoo stared at his eyes, looking for an answer but he saw them glistening in delight, unkind and playful.

"Do you think I'm beautiful?" Jun asked and Wonwoo smirked. Not saying a word, not denying it because it hasn't any use. Jun was handsome and whoever didn't think the same was an idiot and probably blind or denying the truth in front of its eyes. Jun didn't wait to hear an answer giggling. "I knew it." He said and moved to keep making something to eat, for himself and adding a little more for Wonwoo as he had been staring too intensely to him -and maybe also his food.

"Why are you so sure?" Wonwoo said in a low voice, to himself mostly but the members were either out or asleep and the sound went floating to Jun's ears making him stop to turn around to see Wonwoo. Jun's eyes were full of an unknown fear and hesitation. Wonwoo's glistened with childlike curiousness.

"About?" Jun asked, his voice trembling in fear. Every bit of him as if he was naked and turned around again, facing the stove, looking at his food like there was nothing else in the world but him and the pan. Wonwoo's voice floating from an unknown place.

"Yourself," Wonwoo said, still low and Jun turned off the oven. "I mean," Wonwoo said, moving from his place and stared at his hands on his lap, opening and closing them as if he couldn't believe it was his own hands, his own body. "You seem to know who you are, what you are and what you want, I cannot understand anything about myself." Wonwoo looked at Jun in the moment he turned around to see him. Jun leaned close and took Wonwoo's specs off.

"It's never easy, it comes with time." Jun moved his hand to caress Wonwoo's cheek. The younger leaned on the warmth and there was nothing else said but lots more shared there in the silence. It was Jun confessing himself in the silence but Wonwoo didn't understand, not Jun and not even himself. Not yet. It was too soon. The sound of a door opening made them fall apart. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Jun moved to serve the food. Wonwoo turned to see an uninterested Jihoon.

Jihoon moved into the living room looking for some clothing. Wonwoo stared at him as he moved the clothing.

"Take this," Jun said taking Wonwoo out of his daydreaming, pushing a plate in front of Wonwoo.

"What should I do?" Wonwoo asked and he saw with the corner of his eyes how Jihoon stopped and heard them. Jun smiled and chuckled.

"Take your time," Jun said. "This only means you're growing," Jun said and took a fork and stopped when he saw Wonwoo opening his mouth. "Don't talk about it. Don't mention it," Jun finished starting to eat. Wonwoo watched him move, munch and swallow and he felt like he didn't know the man in front of him but he did.

Jeon Wonwoo knew Wen Junhui. Jun was a boy that looked full of confidence, selfish and self-centered but Jun was not confident, maybe he was a bit confident about his looks but not too much, he thought he was handsome to an extent but he wasn't confident about his persona. He loved himself to every bit, every inch but was scared of the world and how it would hurt him and what could do to him. What society would think? What his fans would think? Jun embraced his queerness from a young age and he was open about it within his family and close friends back in China. He was open to some of the members. Wonwoo was one of them. Minghao, Vernon, and Seungcheol. Also, Jeonghan even when he hadn't told him a word. He hated it. Jeonghan was a good person but he never knew when to stop, what he could or couldn't say and he made fun of Jun. It made him feel little and empty. Alone.

Wonwoo smiled, a soft, telling smile and Jun smiled back holding a laugh as they ate. Jihoon raised an eyebrow when he saw the complicity smile and eyes. It was something they shared, it was a close truthful friendship. Of course, there were secret but those were things that didn't bother them. He took a hoodie and a pair of pants and left them. If Jihoon were to guess he could bet there was something in between but it wasn't the case. Not that they couldn't. Jihoon saw Jun's eyes and saw a friend, an accomplice, and a confidant. Someone he could go to if he needed and even it there was a love it wasn't romantic, it was more than friendly and strong but Jun didn't saw a lover but a brother. He placed the hoodie over his head in awkward movements as he never left the bottoms out of his hands and walked towards his room.

Jihoon was more than people saw about him. He was the one who knew every secret. The one who heard and waited, just because he had a secret himself that he didn't want to share. It was his and it was for himself. He was self-centered when it came to his feelings or even himself but he was the warmest. He hated hugs and skinship but when it came to comforting touches he provided them whenever it was needed, no second thoughts or shyness. Just comfort to the people that have been with him for so long. He understood more than anyone what was happening on Wonwoo's head but he was afraid to talk. To voice everything that was going round and round in his own head and Wonwoo's as clairvoyance.

Wonwoo finished eating and when he was about to take the plates to wash them Jun stopped him taking them himself. Wonwoo, without saying a word left him there. He left Jun drowning in his thoughts, in his loneliness and pain.

The world was weighing on them. It was squishing them into the ground, sucking their souls and youth leaving them with nothing but the desire of something else, something unreachable.

Wonwoo walked to a room, without asking he opened the door. Jihoon was on his bed and Mingyu on his. Mingyu was asleep but Jihoon turned to see him and they stared at each other. When their eyes met there was no one else in the world and the room more than the two of them. Wonwoo walked slowly making Jihoon stiffen at every step. Fearing him, fearing the world and fearing what an encounter could mean. Wonwoo stopped a few steps away from Jihoon's bed. Wonwoo's eyes glistened, pleaded, asking for something making Jihoon open his arms, letting his phone fall into the floor with a clank and Wonwoo fell in his arms. An empty touch filled with worries and unspoken questions. Mingyu groaned on the other bed and both of them looked at him.

Wonwoo stared at the tan skin, gleaming with a gold shining. Red lips, softly shut eyes and his eyelashes brushing his cheekbones. He could still see the beauty spot on his cheek. Mingyu was beautiful. It was something surrounding him, always, every time.

"Why you chose this room?" Wonwoo asked and Jihoon didn't answer but looked at Mingyu.

"The same reason you stare at him," Jihoon answered smiling at the way the sheet, framed Mingyu's body, the torso, the hips, and legs. It was a calling. It was soft to see.

"But isn't love," Wonwoo said moving, feeling the position and the situation awkward. He sat on the bed and looked at Jihoon.

"I like pretty things, nice and beautiful," Jihoon said, answering the question Wonwoo was about to formulate. The older smiled softly and bitterly. It was something his. It was the way Wonwoo was. Bitter, lonely, sad but it was magnificent. He was himself, always and when he was happy and smiled, the world stopped for his smile to be seen, to be known and cherished as a beautiful wonder. Wonwoo was filled with a soft aura. Kind, his eyes were honest but always ignored. Jihoon stared at them. Charcoal. A mine that would be explored but not by him.

"Things," Wonwoo snorted softly, a whisper, trying to not wake Mingyu on the other bed. Jihoon smirked.

"For me, you're a thing," Jihoon said, his voice traveling slowly into Wonwoo's eyes. It wasn't degrading, it wasn't mean. Hurtful, yeah. It was a hurtful bunch of words but it never meant to be like that because it was Jihoon's raw, honest thought. Wonwoo smiled, less bitterly than before, honestly, almost raw. He bit his lip, waiting for an explanation making Jihoon chuckle. "I'm not attracted to anyone but I like to see the beauty in the world." Wonwoo tilted his head and Jihoon chuckled again. Wonwoo moved his lips and Jihoon chuckled. "I don't label myself," Jihoon said.

"You're not a thing but we are," Wonwoo said, his voice sounding joyful and kind. Jihoon laughed at this.

"It was a way to describe it," Jihoon said smiling and moved to place his hand on Wonwoo's cheek. Mingyu groaned and moved on the bed making Jihoon jump away from Wonwoo. "You're people, you have feelings and so do I and I don't like labels, not even the label of idol or fan, I'm a person and I want to be seen as one no matter what."

Wonwoo tried to smile but nothing came, it was something saddening and hurtful, Jihoon frowned and hit him on the shoulder.

"Leave," he commanded. His soft tender voice disappearing. Wonwoo moved to hug him.

"I'm sorry," Wonwoo whispered against his hair and Jihoon shivered. "I wasn't pitying you," he said and Jihoon pushed him away. "I was pitying myself," Wonwoo finished and Jihoon smiled bitterly.

"You'll find out soon," Jihoon said and moved close to Wonwoo again. There was a low groan, the rustling sound of the sheets and Jihoon stopped.

"What are you doing?" Mingyu asked, his voice, deep, drowsy and stuck in the back of his throat. Sleepiness surrounding every word. Wonwoo chuckled.

"We were thinking on a prank to do," Wonwoo said smiling. A fake sad smile, unnoticed by Mingyu's sleepy eyes. The boy turned on the bed fast and tangled himself on the sheets making him fall to the floor with a loud sound, dryly. Wonwoo laughed loudly, his voice resonating and Jihoon frowned at the sound moving to kick Wonwoo out of the bed, making Wonwoo fall on top of Mingyu, his nose hitting Mingyu's arm.

"Shut the fuck up, I'm gonna sleep," Jihoon said and moved to take his phone from the floor and lied on the bed, his back facing both boys that got comfortable on the floor.

"Are you okay?" Mingyu asked and Wonwoo looked at him, noticing how close their faces were. Wonwoo covered his mouth and Mingyu chuckled. They were close enough for Wonwoo to smell Mingyu's morning breath but it seemed it was something different. It was a fresh smell, mint, perhaps but he could be mistaken. It was like Mingyu just brushed his teeth even when Wonwoo knew he didn't.

"Yeah," Wonwoo said moving himself to help Mingyu to stand. Mingyu was the tallest member but he was like the younger, he was a puppy, sometimes asking for attention. Now he was tall and not a puppy, just a sleepy young man that wished to get a few more hours to sleep. If Mingyu could he would ask for 24 hours. "You can go back to sleep," Wonwoo said slowly and Mingyu smiled getting in the bed.

"Isn't noisy out there?" Mingyu asked and Wonwoo rolled his eyes. "Come here, let's share, you look tired." Mingyu placed a hand over Wonwoo's wrist.

"I'm fine, I can still sleep, even with Seungkwan's loud laugh," Wonwoo said giggling, Mingyu chuckled but he pulled Wonwoo closer, the older sighed and got into the bed. It had the right size for both of them, mostly because Wonwoo had a slim frame. Their bodies didn't touch and their backs faced each other.

"Rest well," Mingyu said closing his eyes. Wonwoo hugged himself and stared at Jihoon's back. Mingyu didn't take long to start snoring again and Wonwoo turned to see his back, his neck and there was no other thought than the sole wish to be him. To be someone who seems to not fear anything. Not the thoughts, not the talks. Anything even when he knew all of them was broken, shaking and shivering on the inside. Wonwoo soon closed his eyes and fell asleep. The thoughts not taking aways his sleep.

Wonwoo didn't dream. It was a rare moment when Wonwoo had dreams and he was glad of it, it made his night and the well-earned sleep hours more enjoyable. That little nap had a dream. A dream that was close to being a revelation, only if he had remembered all of it. When he opened his eyes everything was on his head but as the seconds passed just the idea remained. The soft touch of lips against his own. A fluttering feeling going on his chest and stomach. When Wonwoo noticed he was alone in the bed, and the room, his phone on the bedside table and a note under it.

It was known by the members that Wonwoo had a few girlfriends before Seventeen. All of them beautiful and Wonwoo had been in love with all of them without a doubt. And he found them attractive and he loved the way he felt with all of them. Now doubts lingered on the back of his head. It's not that he stopped to feel the same with girls. No, he still was attracted to them but as he kept spending time with boys he couldn't help himself but find them handsome and attractive. It was a natural outcome or at least he felt it like that. Nevertheless, he always thought it was just something physical but nothing sexual or romantic, yet those thoughts died when he saw Mingyu or Seokmin, even Jun. It was a whole ride out of hormones. Going crazy and making him feeling different than ever. He always Controlled himself and it never got into awkward situations. What made him doubt it hadn't been the gay porn Jun had made him watch for fun or the touches they shared or the way Mingyu unconsciously brushed his hips against his ass. It wasn't any of that, it had been only the way he felt about them. So different yet similar and when his eyes had fallen on Jun, on the way he looked at Seungcheol, as if he melted, drooling on the way the older looked and how he smiled, it felt like he had felt the same. As if he could understand the need, the way every bit of his body asked for something more than a touch but not as much as being fucked.

Wonwoo moved from his spot on the bed feeling his muscles tensed by the position he had been, he took his phone and the note.

_We went to eat, we'll bring you something_

Wonwoo crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it on the floor as he stood and walked to the living room. At that point in his life, when everything felt surreal and so away from him, he felt loneliest. The world was big and so vast and unknown he felt drowning on it, on the idea that he was so little and so unknown and so lonely, even with twelve more people in his life.

It was already night. He sat in the living room, staring at the window and the dark night. Admiring the few stars his eyes could see. He found solitude in the empty room and the emptiness of the sky as if he wasn't missing a piece of himself. The door opened and he turned, meeting Mingyu's eyes, scanning him, looking at the bag on his hand.

"I brought dinner," Mingyu said moving to turn on the light.

"Where are the others?" Wonwoo asked and Mingyu moved to place the food on the counter.

"I left them to keep you company."

"Thank you but it wasn't necessary," Wonwoo said in a soft voice, sweet. The sound made Mingyu shiver and move.

"Come here to eat," Mingyu said waving his hand. Wonwoo felt as if Mingyu pulled him. He felt his legs moving against his will until he was a few inches away from him. Wonwoo looked how Mingyu took the food out of the bags, the sound going strongly against his ears. Th rustling of the bags, the food, his bones cracking. Wonwoo looked at his face and saw a man, nor the tiny little puppy he always was. "Hope you like it," Mingyu turned to see him smiling. Wonwoo felt like Jun felt. He was melting and he wanted Mingyu. Wonwoo shook his head. Could it feel the same?

"Thank you," Wonwoo exhaled as he looked Mingyu give him the food. The air leaving his lungs, floating and he stopped breathing, expectant of something to happen, but nothing happened. Mingyu placed his attention on his food and Wonwoo disappeared from his world. Wonwoo retook his breath and looked at his food. All his favorites. The older smiled as he started to eat.

The silence was overcoming everything. His thoughts and world. All pitch black and all lonely. His heart beating fast, hitting his ribcage and making it hard to breathe.

"Won," he heard faintly. A nasal voice and with a childlike tone in it. Wonwoo was unable to open his eyes, his breathing coming unevenly. Wonwoo moved a hand to push Mingyu's face away from his.

"I'm older," Wonwoo said.

"Are you okay?"

Wonwoo snorted a dry laugh. "Perfect." Besides the pain in his chest, there was a growing, unstable pain in his stomach. Piercing, pinching. Yet, it was too soon for him to know. Both things. Love and sickness. Not the same but much alike for some people. Wonwoo started to eat again and Mingyu stared at him.

"Do you like it?" Mingyu asked curiosity, real and tangible perking on every word, hanging in there waiting for the answer.

"I do," Wonwoo answered in a monotonous tone, no anger, no joy, nothing. "It's all my favorites."

"Jun knows you well," Mingyu said, making Wonwoo turn around in surprise. Mingyu saw him and snorted a loud laugh but Wonwoo saw it and heard it. The sadness dancing on Mingyu's tongue, bitterness hugging the sad truth Mingyu voiced. It was more than Wonwoo could handle. He always had a bad time with Mingyu. All his feeling going into the surface making him want to puke. A puke of words, of unabashed feelings. It was a sad, unexpected need but what he was about to confess if he didn't know what he desired? It would be an empty truth. It would be feelings without any meaning.

"Don't be sad," Wonwoo mumbled and Mingyu stopped laughing turning around to see Wonwoo, a visible frown, making him look less of a puppy and more than a man.

"I wasn't sad," Mingyu said. His voice pierced Wonwoo's heart. It was more than they were expecting. They weren't expecting anything but that moment of solitude they met each other for real and understood themselves and they didn't want, they were scared. They ate silently not daring to acknowledge each other.

Jun came before they finished eating, frowning at the growing tension on Wonwoo's body, going close to him, pulling him without a word and Wonwoo saw the sadness in Mingyu's eyes, making him confused about what was happening. About Mingyu.

As worried grow big and confusion started to be tattooed on his skin he became less careful, starting to sneak on the night to eat snacks. To drown everything in food because he felt he wasn't allowed to cry. He couldn't cry because it could make his eyes puffy and red, he couldn't allow anyone to see him like that.

The truth it was, he didn't want to see himself like that. He felt broken but he didn't want to look broken. Nevertheless, he broke one day, in sickness, in a regular, painful sickness and it scared him not the pain or the new changes but everyone's worried face. He selfishly thought about everyone as just team members, comrades but he felt unable to call them friends as he felt he had never been honest enough to get them to being called a friend. The other boys didn't feel the same way, loving Wonwoo recklessly as a friend and as a brother, growing to love every bit of him, the nice quiet Wonwoo that hated the noise when reading and the annoyingly happy and noisy Wonwoo that remained emotionless with a poker face. The moment he was called out the group for rest and he saw the sad member's eyes he knew, he understood them, he understood part of what it made him feel as foreign people in his life but that moment they became family. They became part of Wonwoo's life. An ironic thing since he was stepping out their lives, for a while but stepping out of his never acknowledge comfort zone.

In the time he was at home with his parents, watching TV, reading and getting a nice healthy food he was able to think freely, to see the world as a person and not as an idol, as a worker but as a regular person, freely. He understood Jun's fear of talking about himself about what he felt. He felt how the idea weighted on Jun. It wasn't a thing it would be there for a few years. It would something he would hide his whole life. It was painful, it was scary and it was an empty life.

Jun wouldn't be able to love the way he was loving. So recklessly and freely, he could try but everything would end up in misery and it would every time be painful, heartbreaking, no matter how much they try, no matter how much Jun try to be himself, to be honest, and being happy with the person he actually loves.

There was a few call from the members. Worried voices, silly jokes, and everything felt nice. He felt like it was his place like he should be there with them. Jun called once in a while, dreamy voice and whispers, some sighs that sounded like a moaning, no that Wonwoo complained, it was a nice sound but not appropriate but he wouldn't stop him it was some closeness he was missing and he wanted. Wonwoo messaged Mingyu and he got a few calls from him, telling him some odd things about the members. Soonyoung sat on Jihoon's cap and didn't tell him. Seungkwan accidentally spat on Vernon's coke or Jeonghan being the almighty king of the dorm and Jihoon was following him around. Wonwoo laughed at the last bit because everyone was oblivious and Wonwoo knew Jihoon had a strong crush on Jeonghan and would do anything for him. Wonwoo hung up, his heart beating and wanting to keep hearing him, hearing his voice as much as he wanted to keep hearing Jun and the others. He wanted to be with them. To witness the silly things and the laughter but he was there, alone, wanting, desiring and in the back of his head he didn't want love but friendship, warm friendship.

Time went slowly but it went by smoothly. He wasn't feeling bad when he left the boys and he surely felt quite better after a good and nice night of sleep but after the long time training, dancing, he missed it. The pain in his limbs the laughter, not having hot water to shower and the rush in the nights to just fall flat into the mattress to enjoy the little time of sleep they got, and he was heading back into them. When Wonwoo opened the door cautiously Seungkwan was walking in front of the door and stopped for a few seconds before he dashed to hug him almost throwing him into the floor some heard and joined making Wonwoo laugh loudly and freely, hugging all of them without holding back the tears.

Wonwoo came in a busy time and gave him no time to think of feel anything besides the weight on his limbs and get everything perfect to the fans. He didn't think of anything but them, the friendship, the fans and the places he was knowing, the new world he just was now his own. He didn't want to think of anything else, it was perfect the way it was, yet it was unavoidable to feel, to glance at Mingyu and his skin burning at every touch and he wasn't about to complain.

He loved the way he felt when their eyes met and there were no words said but smiles. Smiles visible by the moonlight as he swam in the pool. Mingyu sitting by the edge. The weather was getting cold but Wonwoo liked the feel of water against his skin. He reached the side where Mingyu was sitting and he looked at him, smiling, brightly, letting his canines show and Wonwoo smiled back without any second thought and kept swimming until the water became colder and he was left alone to admire the night.

"You gonna get a cold," Wonwoo heard and moved to see Jihoon crouching at the edge of the pool. Wonwoo moved to get closer.

"Thank you," Wonwoo whispered and Jihoon stood up to leave him alone. Wonwoo looked at him, the way his short body felt bigger and suffocating, he left the pool and took his towel, walking into the warmness of the hotel and the shower, to get to sleep. He stared at Jihoon's sleeping face before he fell asleep too.

It was nothing unexpected but it was new. The calm he felt around everyone else was different from the calm he felt towards Mingyu and even Jun. It was softer and warm. Different between them but close to being similar. The comfort he felt around Jun what was draw him to Jun.

Back in the apartment, when they were alone he dragged him into a room, he wasn't minding which one. He closed the door behind him and locked it. Jun stared at him, he looked at Wonwoo's pleading eyes with a smile. Jun huffed and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, looking at how Wonwoo bit his lip.

"I know it now," Wonwoo said making Jun chuckle.

"You don't," Jun said in a soft voice. It was a velvety and warm sound, it was Jun. It was the sound of understanding, the sound of him knowing Wonwoo knew what was inside his head and inside his heart but not quite understanding all those feelings inside him. Something confused him. "What you need?" Jun pronounced moving from his spot to get closer to Wonwoo. The younger boy stared at him. At the beautiful man in front of him. He couldn't say a word.

Jun exhaled a soft laugh with his lips closed and Wonwoo looked at him, letting a nervous giggle escape. Jun smiled and got closer. Wonwoo's heart was beating fast. Drumming against his chest. Jun chuckled the last time before he kissed his lips. Jun's lips were soft and tasted like strawberry but it was no feeling in it. It was nice and warm but it didn't make his stomach feel butterflies but his heart kept beating like mad. It was a new feeling, a new experience, and a revelation. He loved Jun and what he made him feel but it wasn't romantic or even sensual. It was love, pure and friendly.

Wonwoo opened his lips slightly and Jun didn't waste his opportunity to introduce his tongue inside Wonwoo's mouth. A few seconds before a knock on the door made them jump away from each other. Jun chuckled and moved to open the door. Nothing to say.

Wonwoo had only one thing in mind, pull Mingyu into a kiss. He knew, if it wasn't love within Jun it had to be within Mingyu but it was too soon for anything at all.


End file.
